i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You need a sexual gate keeper
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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