Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
