butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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