Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
