I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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