Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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