i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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