I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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