I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it hurts more in the daytime
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
