i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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