Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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