i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
