Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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