It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is the high leading the old right now
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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