i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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