There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
