I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
