some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
