Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
