my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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