Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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