I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
