i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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