plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
