we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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