And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
