You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
