I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just google imaged poop.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
