when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize