ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I will die if light touches me.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
