I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
