I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
