Nicole vs. Life
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
