Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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