its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
