so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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