Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
PS: I just woke up from my shower
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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