she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
