i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
