No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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