I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
