Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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