i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
