i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
