If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
