12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
