so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We need to feng shui this bitch.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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