Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
