She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
