I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
