Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
