whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
