I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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