I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Damn victory sex feels great
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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