I want to make a zoo with you.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
