He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
