apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
