I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
