yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
