Betty ford says i'm here all night
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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