found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
