somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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