I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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