No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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