I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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