You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My feet surprised me
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